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A snake walks into a bar.

The bartender says "How did you do that?"

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Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.

The ball hit one of the men.

He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony.

The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to apologize. 'Please allow me to help.

I'm a Physical Therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me, she told him.

'Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes,' the man replied.

He was in obvious agony, lying in the fetal position, still clasping his hands there at his groin.

At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help.

She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his pants and put her hands inside.

She administered tender and artful massage for several long moments and asked, 'How does that feel'?

Feels great, he replied; but I still think my thumb's broken!


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To the old guy on the mobility scooter who stole my camoflage jacket......you can hide but you can't run.


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A man walked out into the street and managed to get a taxi just going by. What luck, he thought, as he slid into the seat. 'Perfect timing,' the cabby said. 'You're just like Bill.'

'Who?' asked the man. 'Bill Smith. There's a guy who did everything right,' the cabby said. 'Like my coming along when you needed a cab. It would have happened like that to Bill every time.'

'Nah,' the man said to the cabby. 'There are always a few clouds over everybody.'

'Not Bill,' said the cabby. 'He was a terrific athlete. He could have gone on the pro tour in tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star.'

'Bill was really something, huh?'

'Oh, yeah,' continued the cabby. 'Bill had a memory like a trap. Could remember everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which fork to eat with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole neighborhood blacks out.'

'No wonder you remember him,' the man said. 'Well, I never actually met Bill,' said the cabby. 'Then how in the world do you know so much about him?'


'I married his widow,' replied the cabby.

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