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I tried donating blood today , never again! Too many stupid questions  “Who’s blood is it ?”  “ Where did you get it from?”   “ Why is it in a bucket? “ 

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27 minutes ago, JackDoff said:

I tried donating blood today , never again! Too many stupid questions  “Who’s blood is it ?”  “ Where did you get it from?”   “ Why is it in a bucket? “ 

Bloody hell!

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Two aliens landed in the Arizona desert near a gas station that was closed for the night.

They approached one of the gas pumps and the younger alien addressed it saying, "Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Take us to your leader."

The gas pump, of course, didn’t respond.

The younger alien became angry at the lack of response.

The older alien said, "I’d calm down if I were you."

The younger alien ignored the warning and repeated his greeting.

Again, there was no response.

Annoyed by what he perceived to be the pump’s haughty attitude, he drew his ray gun and said impatiently, "Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Do not ignore us this way! Take us to your leader or I will fire!"

The older alien again warned his comrade saying, "You probably don’t want to do that! I really don’t think you should make him mad."

"Rubbish," replied the cocky, young alien.

He aimed his weapon at the pump and opened fire.

There was a huge explosion.

A massive fireball roared towards them and blew the younger alien off his feet and deposited him a burnt, smoking mess about 200 yards away in a cactus patch.

Half an hour passed.

When he finally regained consciousness, he refocused his three eyes, straightened his bent antenna, and looked dazedly at the older, wiser alien who was standing over him shaking his big, green head.

"‘What a ferocious creature!" exclaimed the young, fried alien. "He nearly killed me! How did you know he was so dangerous?"

The older alien leaned over, placed a friendly feeler on his crispy friend and replied, "If there’s one thing I’ve learned during my intergalactic travels, you don’t want to mess with a guy who can wrap his penis around himself twice and then stick it in his ear…!"

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I can not tell a lie “George Washington “

I can not tell the truth “Donald Trump “

I can not tell the difference “Trump supporters “

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The woman from the furniture store keeps calling me!  All I wanted was the one night stand!

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2 minutes ago, mack said:

R.

Channelling you inner pirate..?

:D

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3 hours ago, mack said:

R.

O

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20 minutes ago, Edinburgh said:

O

I

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33 minutes ago, Edinburgh said:

O

O

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Yeah, justine clark WAS great in home and away.

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12 hours ago, mack said:

R.

 

9 hours ago, Edinburgh said:

O

 

8 hours ago, wendybr said:

O

F ..........

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Och, women! I cannae work ma wife oot.

First she says "Aye, fine. Have a tattoo if ye waant."

And noo she's complainin' aboot aw the pipers in the garden!

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What do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common?

The same middle name!

 

Why couldn't the bike stand up by itself?

It was two tyred.

 

Never criticise anyone until you have walked a mile in their shoes. That way you get to criticise them, you are a mile away and you have their shoes.

 

Sorry, just a few dad jokes on dad day.

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I ordered a chicken and an egg online. I’ll let you know...

Happy Fathers Day! 

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41 minutes ago, Kitto said:

I bought a horse and named it Mayo. 

 

Sometimes, Mayo neighs. 

Is that the same horse that got a hit on the head by a ducthman...mayo neighs got hollandazed......:ninja:

:D

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Mike Tyson is a religious guy.

He punches people in the faith.

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