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4 hours ago, Smoggy said:

An Englishman was touring the USA on holiday and stopped in a remote bar in the mountains of Nevada. He was chatting to the bartender when he spied an old Indian sitting in the corner. He had tribal gear on, long white plaits, wrinkled face. “Who’s he?” asked the man.

“That’s the Memory Man.” said the bartender. “He knows everything. He can remember any fact. Go and try him out.” So the man goes over, and thinking he won’t know about English football, asks “Who won the 1965 FA Cup Final?”

“Liverpool,” replies the Memory Man.

“Who did they beat?”

“Leeds,” was the reply.

“And the score?”

“2-1.”

“Who scored the winning goal?”

“Ian St. John,” was the old man’s reply.

The tourist was bowled over by this and told everyone back home in England about the Memory Man when he returned.

A few years later he went back to the USA and tried to find the impressive Memory Man. Eventually he found the bar and sitting in the same seat was the old Indian only this time he was older and more wrinkled. Because he was so impressed, the man decided to greet the Indian in his native tongue. He approached him with the greeting “How”.

The Memory Man replied, “Diving header in the six yard box!!

HAHAHA!

Didn't see that coming.

Plus, as with a lot of humour, the ridiculous incongruity is hilarious!

:lol: :lol:

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What's the difference between a kangaroo and a kangaroout?

 

The first is a jumpy animal that lives in Australia....

The second is a Geordie stuck in a lift...

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10 years today my best friend Simon came running out shouting “it’s a boy!”

We never went back to Thailand again

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A load of pieces of black tarmac are laughing and joking and enjoying a pint in their local when a piece of red tarmac comes in. Everything goes quiet and furtive, and the black tarmac move away from the bar and into corners as the red tarmac politely orders a bottle of whisky, a bottle of vodka and a bottle of brandy, downs them, pays, bids the barman good-day and walks out. As the noise level rises in the pub to a relieved chatter the barman asks a piece of black tarmac sitting at the bar, “ why did everything go quiet and everyone seem to get dead scared when that pleasant piece of red tarmac came in?” Black replies, “pleasant? he’s a fkin cylepath!”

 

 

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5 hours ago, Smoggy said:

A load of pieces of black tarmac are laughing and joking and enjoying a pint in their local when a piece of red tarmac comes in. Everything goes quiet and furtive, and the black tarmac move away from the bar and into corners as the red tarmac politely orders a bottle of whisky, a bottle of vodka and a bottle of brandy, downs them, pays, bids the barman good-day and walks out. As the noise level rises in the pub to a relieved chatter the barman asks a piece of black tarmac sitting at the bar, “ why did everything go quiet and everyone seem to get dead scared when that pleasant piece of red tarmac came in?” Black replies, “pleasant? he’s a fkin cylepath!”

 

That's just terrible!! :D

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5 hours ago, wendybr said:

That's just terrible!! :D

I know :D Here is one for you as this is what I would consider a Wendy joke  ;lol-

 

 

I’ve just found out “The tale of two cities” was initially serialised in two different local newspapers.

It was the Bicester times, it was the Worcester times

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2 hours ago, Smoggy said:

I know :D Here is one for you as this is what I would consider a Wendy joke  ;lol-

 

 

I’ve just found out “The tale of two cities” was initially serialised in two different local newspapers.

It was the Bicester times, it was the Worcester times

That's just terrible! 

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3 hours ago, Edinburgh said:

That's just terrible! 

Nah...that one's fine!

BUT chunks of red and black tarmac sitting in a pub?? :fool:

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2 hours ago, wendybr said:

Nah...that one's fine!

BUT chunks of red and black tarmac sitting in a pub?? :fool:

He was just macadaming things up for a laugh.

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1 hour ago, Edinburgh said:

He was just macadaming things up for a laugh.

I switched all the labels on my wife's spice rack.

She hasn't noticed yet, but the thyme is cumin

 

 

 

I'll stop now :D

Edited by Smoggy

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2 hours ago, Edinburgh said:

He was just macadaming things up for a laugh.

 

1 hour ago, Smoggy said:

I switched all the labels on my wife's spice rack.

She hasn't noticed yet, but the thyme is cumin

I'll stop now :D

Guys...there is still a pun thread you know!

 No need to stop!

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Apparently this is funny for some reason:

Bono and The Edge walk into a bar.

The barman says not U2 again!

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