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About Kitto

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    im in ur base killin ur d00dz

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    North Korea

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  1. Kitto


    A man comes home from an exhausting day at work, sits down on the couch in front of the television, and tells his wife, 'Get me a beer before it starts.' The wife sighs and gets him a beer. Fifteen minutes later, he says, 'Get me another beer before it starts.' She looks cross, but fetches another beer and slams it down next to him. He finishes that beer and a few minutes later says, 'Quick, get me another beer, it's going to start any minute.' The wife is furious. She yells at him 'Is that all you're going to do tonight? Drink beer and sit in front of that TV? You're nothing but a lazy, drunken, fat slob, and furthermore ...' The man sighs and says, 'It's started ...'
  2. Kitto


    The local sheriff was looking for a deputy, so a blonde went in to try out for the job. 'Okay,' the sheriff said, 'what is 1 and 1?' 'Eleven,' she replied. The sheriff thought to himself, 'That's not what I meant, but she's right.' 'What two days of the week start with the letter 'T'?' 'Today and tomorrow.' He was again surprised that the blonde supplied a correct answer that he had never thought of himself. 'Now, listen carefully: Who killed Abraham Lincoln?' The blonde looked a little surprised herself, then thought really hard for a minute and finally admitted, 'I don't know.' 'Well, why don't you go home and work on that one for a while?' So, the blonde wandered over to the beauty salon, where her pals were waiting to hear the results of the interview. 'It went great! First day on the job and I'm already working on a murder case!'
  3. Kitto


    A bloke on his way home from work comes to a dead halt in traffic and thinks to himself, wow, this traffic seems worse than usual. Nothing's moving. He notices a police officer walking back and forth between the lines of cars so he rolls down his window and asks: 'Officer what's the hold up?' The officer replies: 'It's a Sydney FC fan, he's just so depressed about losing the FFA cup match to Brisbane, and the prospect of winning bugger all this season, he's threatening to douse himself in petrol and set himself on fire. He says his family hates him, his mates are all laughing at him and he has never had a job. I'm walking around taking a collection for him.' 'Oh really?' says the bloke 'How much have you collected so far?'. 'Only about 1/2 a litre, but a lot of people are still siphoning.'
  4. Kitto


    'I am' is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that 'I do' is the longest sentence?
  5. Kitto


    I've had my furniture for a long time. Me and my recliner go way back.
  6. Kitto


    If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
  7. Kitto

    Music Thread 3

    If Chris Rea played with Dire Straits, would they be known as Dire Rea?
  8. Hey everyone, quick question. Where is the first place to go when having problems with mental health? A visit to the GP for a possible referral?
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