Best one liners from this years Edinburgh fringe festival (is that a memorial service for the receded hairline Ed?)
1. I keep randomly shouting out “Broccoli” and “Cauliflower”. I think I might have Florets. – Olaf Falafel
2. Someone stole my antidepressants. Whoever they are, I hope they’re happy. – Richard Stott
3. What’s driving Brexit? From here it looks like it’s probably the Duke of Edinburgh. – Milton Jones
4. A cowboy asked me if I could help him round up 18 cows. I said, “Yes, of course. That’s 20 cows.” – Jake Lambert
5. A thesaurus is great. There’s no other word for it. – Ross Smith
6. Sleep is my favourite thing in the world. It’s the reason I get up in the morning. – Ross Smith
7. I accidentally booked myself on to an escapology course; I’m really struggling to get out of it. – Adele Cliff
8. After learning six hours of basic semaphore, I was flagging. – Richard Pulsford
9. To be or not to be a horse rider, that is Equestrian. – Mark Simmons
10. I’ve got an Eton-themed advent calendar, where all the doors are opened for me by my dad’s contacts. – Ivo Graham
From previous years:
2018: Adam Rowe on the challenges of being sacked. “Working at the jobcentre has to be a tense job,” he pointed out to his audience. “Knowing that if you get fired, you still have to come in the next day.”
2017: Ken Cheng won the 10th annual award with: "I'm not a fan of the new pound coin, but then again, I hate all change."
2016: Masai Graham raised a smile for his organ donation-themed dad joke, “My dad has suggested that I register for a donor card. He’s a man after my own heart.”
2015: Darren Walsh won with his line: “I just deleted all the German names off my phone. It’s Hans-free.”
2014: Tim Vine becomes the first to win it more than once with “I've decided to sell my Hoover … well, it was just collecting dust."
2013: Rob Auton's winning one liner: “I heard a rumour that Cadbury is bringing out an oriental chocolate bar. Could be a Chinese Wispa."
2012: Canadian Stewart Francis took the prize for: "You know who really gives kids a bad name? Posh and Becks."
2011: Nick Helm: "I needed a password eight characters long so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarves."
2010: Tim Vine wins for "I've just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I'll tell you what, never again."
2009: Dan Antolpolski scoops the prize for “Hedgehogs - why can't they just share the hedge?"
Also read this:
I missed the whole festival. I was, reluctantly, on a team-building course.The leader said "There's no 'I' in team."I said "There's no 'F' in point."