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About SomeGuy1977

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  1. Dude 1: Hey bro Dude 2: Yeah bro? Dude 1: Can you pass me that pamphlet? Dude 2: Brochure
  2. Two aliens landed in the Arizona desert near a gas station that was closed for the night. They approached one of the gas pumps and the younger alien addressed it saying, "Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Take us to your leader." The gas pump, of course, didn’t respond. The younger alien became angry at the lack of response. The older alien said, "I’d calm down if I were you." The younger alien ignored the warning and repeated his greeting. Again, there was no response. Annoyed by what he perceived to be the pump’s haughty attitude, he drew his ray gun and said impatiently, "Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Do not ignore us this way! Take us to your leader or I will fire!" The older alien again warned his comrade saying, "You probably don’t want to do that! I really don’t think you should make him mad." "Rubbish," replied the cocky, young alien. He aimed his weapon at the pump and opened fire. There was a huge explosion. A massive fireball roared towards them and blew the younger alien off his feet and deposited him a burnt, smoking mess about 200 yards away in a cactus patch. Half an hour passed. When he finally regained consciousness, he refocused his three eyes, straightened his bent antenna, and looked dazedly at the older, wiser alien who was standing over him shaking his big, green head. "‘What a ferocious creature!" exclaimed the young, fried alien. "He nearly killed me! How did you know he was so dangerous?" The older alien leaned over, placed a friendly feeler on his crispy friend and replied, "If there’s one thing I’ve learned during my intergalactic travels, you don’t want to mess with a guy who can wrap his penis around himself twice and then stick it in his ear…!"
  3. My youngest (10) has played it for a while now. I've played with him a few times and yeah, I feel ya. It's not so much that Im bad at the game, it's the sly, condescending / smart arse comments I get from him AND his friends. Little **** heads.
  4. Can anyone suggest a VPN provider? The kids are somewhat keen to explore some of the content available on netflix etc that isn't available in Australia
  5. Don't know about floating my boat, but this made me chuckle. So the boy was at training and he had a collision with another boy, clashing heads. Training was almost over, they were playing a game of bull rush (or the modern version of it anyhow; no tackling allowed now days apparently). Didn't look too bad at all. The other boy jumped up pretty quick and kept on going, seemed undamaged. My boy though, quite upset. "It hurts". I had a quick look and he seemed ok. "Run it off, you'll be fine" i said. Just for context, he is known to be a bit of a sook when he wants to be. (Seriously, he can be a real sooky bitch about anything that takes his fancy). Anyhow, he keeps saying it hurts and doesn't really get involved after the head clash. I have another look before we get in the car to head home and it seems ok. He continues to complain on the way home. We get home and he starts telling mum the story. "Oh my goodness, look at his eye!" she says. Turns out he's developed quite a nice black eye. Not too swollen, but nice and purple. He goes to the mirror and has a look for himself, and in that instant, his sooky arse melts away and is replaced with a cheeky, almost evil looking grin. "Awesome. I can tell people I was in a fight". And suddenly, everything is alright again. "Just tell them the other kid is in hospital" I tell him as I get the death glares from my wife.
  6. WFMB: Grass roots football running again. Watching the youngest ripping around the field on Saturday is something I've missed
  7. The boys had their cross country at school yesterday. Being a small school, they usually join up with a couple of other local small schools that are close by, but not this year thank you covid. Anyhow, the oldest boy comes in beaming, showing off his first place ribbon! He's not super sporty, so this is kind of a big deal for him and I'm pretty stoked. We finish our high fives etc and he casually mentions "yeah, there's 3 of us in the senior boys, and 2 of them didn't come to school today. I won by default anyhow" and walks away still smiling. Whatever. The record will still say he won, and he'll still have the ribbon to show for it
  8. I'd wager that Europeans voted against us based on the time difference making it hard for them to broadcast the games and make money out of it. **** them. It's our time (and New Zealand's too I suppose). This will be awesome.
  9. YouTubes way of telling you to keep your **** to yourself maybe?
  10. We had the damn thing break down over Anzac day once. Not fun. The only reason we have this stupid pump thing is because we live in a 100 year flood zone and council says we need to have it to pump our **** into sewer main. Cost us a small fortune to get installed too. To be fair, there was a grant available which subsidised some of the cost, but it's been nothing but a literal pile of **** since.
  11. Speaking of ****, our sewer pump (or at least the float switch that operates it) seems to have a fault and is tripping the circuit breaker. Thankfully (mercifully) the pump is still able to function, otherwise I'd be up to my eyeballs in other peoples ****. But it does involve opening the tank and removing the switch rod so it doesn't trip the circuit breaker. No amount of scrubbing can make my hands feel clean.
  12. (A bit of an oldie, but still funny) Flight Attendant: Is there a doctor onboard? Dad: *nudging son* that should have been you Son: Not now Dad Dad: Not asking for a graphic designer to help are they? Son: Dad, there's a medical emergency happening right now Dad: Why don't you save him as a PDF and see if that helps
  13. What do a church service in Helsinki and Mortal Kombat have in common? Finnish Hymn
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